Craftarding with Regretsy

October 2, 2010 at 5:47 am (Humor too funny to NOT share, Other Artsy Fun) (, , , , )

Yep, you heard me.  Earlier this week, April of fame got this book called “Crafts for Retards”. Yes, it’s a real book, from  the 1960s.  Go look it up on

Anyway, after looking through it, April issued a friday night speed crafting challenge – 6 hours to make a party hat.  here’s the instructions –  Those pages are straight from the book.

I thought about it a while, son’s recruiter was over to do paperwork and have dinner, and I messed around on Facebook a bit, and then I got serious.  Luckily, I’d just bought constuction paper to make Halloween decorations with one of the kids I watch, so that was my first stop.  Then I started wandering the house looking for various craft supplies.  Boxes of feathers from closet and cupboard, beads, doll head, eyes,ribbon flower, silk flowers, and in a box of eyes, I found these tiny baby dolls I’d gotten at the craft store on a whim, having no clue what I’d do wih them.  On my dresser were some antique fuzzy chicks – you know, the ones you always got in your easter basket as a kid. On the bookcase, a container of plastic mermaids.  I pulled out some other stuff as well.

The Craftarding begins!

So I got to work, opened the construction paper and  WTF? This is not the construction paper of my childhood. This is not the construction paper my own kids used to use – it’s flimsy shit!  So to make the hat be a hat, I run back downstairs, grab a piece of plastic canvas, fold the paper in half, glue several together, and use the plastic canvas as the innards to hold it all upright.

Next, the feathers, some more creative paperwork, and out come the eyes, the babies and the mermaids.  Even more feathers are added.  I briefly consider some hat trim, but no.

Then my professional hat making skills jump in, and I’m trying to perfect the damn thing.  So I take this tiny flashlight, go out to the shed in the dark, and moves stuff til I find the bin labeled “Tulle, organza, chiffon”.  And lo and behond, right near the top, this horrid hot pink, orangish chiffon – win!  I stuff things back in the shed, rush to the basement where I saw these tiny pink roses, grab the pins, and  start pinning the chiffon and roses to the hat.  Again, here I am, trying to get the chiffon all even as my son stares at me like I’ve gone insane  – and clearly I have. 

It's actual head size, and won't fit on my stand very well!

One hour later, a willing victim…err, volunteer wears the hat for pictures, and all is submitted to Regretsy for public shaming and ridicule – yay!

My beloved volunteer

My beloved volunteer, take two

My only regret? I couldn’t figure out how to incorporate the creepy baby head.  So you get to see a picture of it anyway.

Don't worry, creepy baby head. We'll make you some LED eyes and you can go on the zombie crawl with us!

In fact, I think I may have to save this hat for the zombie crawl – how fucked up is that?  I can’t imagine that even a zombie would want to wear this – but you never know…

Anyway, here’s a few more pics for you all – some closeups too. Enjoy  the “whimsicle fuckery”!

Look at the cute tiny babies!


"Eye" don't know what I was doing

If it is chosen for’s display, I’ll post up the link for you all to enjoy – and of course, comment upon!

Oh, and this hat was made while completely sober.  Be afraid, be very afraid.


  1. Elle said,

    LMAO!!! D looks so happy! Blahahahahaha!

    What a great hat!

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