Ahhh Regretsy, we love you – Plagarism Edition

August 27, 2010 at 6:42 pm (Humor too funny to NOT share, Other Artsy Fun)

Posted on Regretsy’s  page,  is an alchemy request for someone to write an Art History paper.  Not only is this fully a homework fail, but the commentary was priceless. Here’s the request:

Seeking Art History enthusiast…need a five paragraph essay written! Will gladly pay, computer has crashed at home, and need this asap! 

The offer? $10.00

And here’s what Regretsy fans had to say about it – from Facebook:

J. J. said:

Art History:
Chapter One- Grog discovers that by moving a charred stick from the cooking fire along the cave wall, he can depict the Great Hunt that took place earlier in the day.

Chapter Two- Glurf looks at drawing, criticizes sense of proportion between Mammoth and Hunters, finds shading “Too Dramatic”.

Chapter Three- Grog says Glurf doesn’t understand Artistic Expression, stomps off in a Huff, returns to beat Glurf’s brains out with a rock.

Chapter Four- Grog finds Art Critic brains much better medium for Artisitc expression than charcoal, new Art movement is founded.

Chapter Five- Previous scene repeated through history ad infinitum.

With proper spacing, this should give you your Five Page Report. Ten Bucks, Please!

C.B said:
Mexican 1: “Well, my esse lives in Miami. I wrote to him like you said but I don’t think he got the letter yet.” Mexican 2: “I wrote my esse in Albuquerque.” Mexican 3: “I wrote three esse’s.”
C.K. said: 
How much would it cost to get a paper written about the proliferation of cheating as it relates to the computer age? Oh…please text this to me as my computer is broke!
Regresty has offered this wonderful email – computercrashedmyass@writeyourowndamnpaper.com
Mistletoe said this: 
If only they’d invent some way to look things up when you don’t have access to the Internet. Like, if they could put all the information in one place, maybe index it alphabetically, and put it in books and then put the books all in one location. And maybe even make it the same location where you can get Internet access for free. If someone could invent that, they’d be rich.
And Billsbayou wrote the paper for them on the Regretsy page, in several posts:

In the beginning, there was nothing better for cavemen to do than have sex and hunt. Proud of both, they drew pictures on the walls of their caves of them having sex and hunting. This was the beginning of art. The cavewomen thought the drawings made their asses look big and made the cavemen erase anything to do with sex. That is why there are no pictures of sex on the walls of caves. Women were the first censors and art critics.

Later, men discovered tools and used them to hunt and have sex (don’t ask, different class paper). This led men to sculpt large statues of big breasted women and animals. The sphynx was both (see Rule 34). The model for the Venus De Milo kept covering her breasts with her hands. The artist had to cut her arms off to get her to model correctly. Later they figured out how to sculpt naked women without cutting off their arms.

During the Dark Ages, men decided that they did not want to do anything but hunt and have sex. Civilization went into decline because all the men were tired. There are no records of anything artistic happening during this time because the men were too busy being nagged by the women for not doing anything. The Dark ages ended when the men finally told the women “Quit your nagging, I’ll do something!”

Churches told men to stop drawing naked women and told the men all they could do was hunt. So the men started drawing women with their clothes on. They expressed their sexual frustration by killing all the dinosaurs, dragons, and unicorns. One man was so mad he killed all the snakes in Irleand by himself with a large paint brush. Women complained that even with their clothes on, their butts looked too big on canvas.

Photography was invented so men could hunt women for sex. They stand in subway stations trying to take pictures up women’s dresses. They also take pictures of trees and skies and puppies so when the police ask them about the naked women photos they can show them the puppy photos and pretend they don’t take picutures of women’s panties. Nearly all of art today is men showing other men what they do to hide the pictures of big breasted women.

The End.

Billsbayou gets an A from me.

The request has since been removed, sadly – I’m sure with the help of all the artists on Etsy and Regretsy, a wonderful paper could have been developed.

What I’ve found amusing today – thanks Regretsy!

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