Winner of the Worst Opening Sentence Announced

July 1, 2010 at 6:56 pm (Humor too funny to NOT share, odd news) (, , )

Molly Ringle won the 2010 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest to write the worst opening line to a non existent novel.  Hers was clearly the worst and makes those with good imaginations cringe.

Here is her wnning sentence: 

“For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity’s affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss–a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity’s mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world’s thirstiest gerbil.”

Can I just say eeeuuuwww?

The runner up was Tom Wallace, with an equally good sentence, in my opinion:

“Through the verdant plains of North Umbria walked Waylon Ogglethorpe and, as he walked, the clouds whispered his name, the birds of the air sang his praises, and the beasts of the fields from smallest to greatest said, “There goes the most noble among men” — in other words, a typical stroll for a schizophrenic ventriloquist with delusions of grandeur.”

There are plenty more –  read and cringe and applaud the skill it takes to write this badly.

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